Doing Battle in a Big, Giant Hole

All morning I have openly let it all out.  Me and Him, Jesus.  I have cried, prayed, hollered out “Where are you?  Do you hear me? I’m in pain.  Help me, please help me!”  I have slept. This spot I’m in is not rainbows and puppies.  You might stop reading now if that’s what you want.  The big, giant hole I feel I’ve landed in did not happen overnight.  Surely it has been getting bigger over the last 8+ years.  I think a couple of things have happened and here I am.  For certain, turning 50 next month has me in a tight hold.  I have become reflective of my life since Jeff’s passing and when I look it all over, it’s just too much.  Slowly, not overnight, I have moved away from the only One who can save me.  All the other stuff are lies; sugar, TV, pain medication, your kids’ abilities (grades, sports, activities), buying stuff, pulling away from friends and activities, hiding out.  These have been mine these past 8 years, not all the time but still keeping me from Him.  What are yours?  The thing is, they will all disappoint you.  Everything is fleeting.

 

What Jesus has required of me, I have kept tucked away.  Nobody is going to get it from me.  He wants my trust and all my love.  To be fully devoted to Him.  I like the sound of it but actually giving it all to him, I just can’t.  Desire and reality are two very different worlds.  At least to me.  I imagined a different life and even though it’s been so long, my heart is struggling to believe this is the plan for me/us. I fear letting Him have it all, who will protect me if I give Him all the power?

Lots of tension with parenting teenagers.  Many moments of overwhelming thoughts.  I am convinced God messed up and took the wrong parent.  I am failing.  I am continuing to hurt my kids’ hearts by overreacting.  Trying to make it all look good.  I have to get this right.  You only have one shot.  This is just too much to bear.  What in the world was He thinking taking Jeff?  Keeping it real here, this is what’s happening inside my head.  I know its lies.  But when you have moved away from God, the lies seem real.

I fully fell into the big hole last night.  Blow up with child, lots of yelling.  Decided I was done parenting.  What’s the point?  I made this decision while my 3 kids were at youth group.  Numb when they got home.  One of them came in to check on me.  I was already in the hole.  Pretty much said the paragraph above to the child.  He said, “Mom, you’ve done the best you could without Daddy being here.  Except take us to church, you should have done that.”  AND THERE IT IS.  You can’t get around that.  It’s true.  Slowly, I have moved away from the One True King.  And I moved my kids with me.  I am weeping as I type this.  None of any of the other stuff matters except this.  In my deepest part, the part that has kept me arms lengths from letting God in.  Trust and love.  Two biggies.  I dragged my kids down with me.  And now they are old enough to see it and verbalize it.  The enemy is right there, in front of my face laughing, saying, “I win.” 

My battle is His battle.  I cannot change my reality.  I cannot bring Jeff home.  I cannot give my kids their dad.  I cannot fix the giant hole in all our hearts.  I cannot give them answers.  I cannot give them peace.  I cannot give them unconditional love because they have suffered such a loss.  I can only give them Jesus.  It’s not too late.  That’s what I found out this morning. 

Hosea 6:1-3

“Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; He has injured us but He will bind up our wounds.  After two days He will revive us; on the third day He will restore us, that we may live in His presence.  Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge Him.  As surely as the sun rises, He will appear; He will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.”

This scripture is what He gave to me. 

God is listening.  Some amazing things happened this morning.  First, my hugest struggle besides moving away from Him, is parenting.  I already explained that above.  My instant thought was that I need to speak to my oldest/dearest friend, Debbie.  She and her husband have raised 4 incredible kids.  I knew she could help me.  But I didn’t feel God was wanting me to call anyone.  I begged Him to please speak to her, somehow so I would know He could hear me.  It’s because of her, I am sharing all of this with you.  She doesn’t even know what she’s is done.  After all my crying out to Him.  I went to check my email.  She had forwarded an email to me with an article called, “Why you must not silence your writing dream today.”  I won’t go into the article.  Debbie wrote, “Is this your dream?  This might just be my dream for you.” 

This feeble attempt to share where I’m at right now, in all its ugliness, is because I believe God told me to.  Even if none of this matters to anyone, I was supposed to tell you that God is still listening when we cry out to Him.

 

The other thing….those of you on Facebook, know I love to share TobyMac’s status verses, quotes, etc.   When I finished my time with Jesus this day, I opened my FB and up pops his newest update.  With these words.  “He heard you, just be patient.”  Wow!  Can you believe that?  It was for me.  I know it was from Him.  

I am climbing out of my hole.  It’s not too late.  God has never moved.  Fully physically exhausted with headache and all.  Been the best spot I’ve seen in a very long while.

Wichita Reds....Already Miss Them!

Baseball season has been done for awhile but this time its different.  Struggling to let go.  You see these boys aren't going to be together anymore.  They all started high school last month.  They will try out for high school baseball and move in different directions. Gratefully our coach has prepared them exactly for that day. Most of the team have been together for 3 years.  We're like family.  I'm closer to some of these parents than some of my family.  It's all a bit heartbreaking.  When you do youth sports at a competitive level where you start practice in December and your season doesn't end until July....well.  These boys are like brothers, I mean they've gone through puberty together. That's huge.

I am so grateful for coaches who have walked along side my son, my fatherless son, and been a positive role model for him.  They have encouraged him, trained him, corrected him when needed, been there for him.  Trust me.  It was still hard to see all the dad's with their sons, each week, walking off together, talking to their son when they were discouraged.  And then God did something amazing. This year he brought a new player.  He also lost his dad at age 7, his mom was also a widow (now remarried) and we instantly had a connection. So cool. Did you all know that?  Thank you, Ben for introducing us.

We could not have asked for a better coach.  I know so many other teams deal with drama on a regular basis.  Constantly.  People upset, teams disbanding, fighting all the time.  We were just blessed with a coach that wouldn't put up with that sort of thing.  Like I said most of us have been together since the team started 3 years ago. You don't often see that.  Ben you have been so great for this team.  Thank you for pouring yourself out there, every single day for these boys.  I know you have loved them as your own.  You are a good man. And he has the cutest kid on the planet.  I just don't know what I will do not seeing that sweet boy every week.  I will have so many uneaten Beef Sticks because Cannon wasn't there.

I will miss being known for having no sense of direction.  If we join a new team, they won't appreciate that about me.  They will just let me get lost.  Coach won't say, "Who's got Reneene?"  Sure I won't end up in Augusta when we go to Garden City, this time, because I know now.  But Ben and I will be wandering around aimlessly in some other town.  And I'll be missing all of you.  Just know that.  Mostly Lori.

Being a stay at home, widowed parent.....I don't get out much.  You baseball parents are my peeps.  I really am going to miss you.  I don't like when seasons change in life.  I know there's facebook.  It's not the same.  There's something really incredible about watching your kids play sports.  Love everything about it.  Youth baseball has been a blast.  Thank you for including us on the journey, we have loved every minute.


And we can't forget the most amazing photographer.  What would we do without Lori?  If you haven't got your video, I'm going to try to post it here.  This will show what you're missing.  Love, love these boys.  Thank you for always being there to capture it all on film.

30 Years, Really?

They say you're a success if you can laugh at yourself.  Ok, I say that, but I think it's a great quality to possess. I am reminding myself of this on this "Throwback Thursday" as I share with you my high school senior picture.  Brace yourself.  Just know, I was a late bloomer.  My own children have had some belly laughs over it.  Even my late husband when seeing it said, "Sorry, I wouldn't have dated you."  Ouch.  As you might imagine, I never had one date in high school.  It's ok.  It didn't help that I ran cross-country, sometimes 10 miles a day and weighed 90 pounds, I literally looked like a poster-child from Ethiopia.  So, here it is.....

Fast forward to my 10 year high school reunion and I secretly vowed to bring the hottest guy as my date, which I did.  I forgot to mention I was made fun of/picked on (see picture) by the boys in my class so I was ready show myself off.  This was silly, I know, but I no longer had a little girl's body and looked like the above picture and I had something to prove.  Even if it was just to myself.  It was a great time, I went with my best friend and her husband.  The most meaningful part of the entire night (anyone who knows me, knows I'm all about meaning) was when a guy I grew up with came up to me and said he wanted to apologize to me.  I was stunned.  He said he was sorry for completely ignoring me in grade school and for making fun of me in high school.  Wow!  How cool was that?  

We didn't have a 20 year reunion, we had a 21 year reunion.  I have always compared my very insecure high school experience to my late husband Jeff's complete opposite high school experience.  Not a good idea.  He grew in Wichita, Kansas his entire life.  He actually went to kindergarten through high school with the same kids.  There's even a picture of like 60 kids that all went through together.  And he was one of the extremely popular kids, where you look at the yearbook and he's on every other page. Really not making this up.  So, could not relate.  Again look at my photo.  There's a point to all this.

I flew to Phoenix for the 21 year reunion, Jeff did not go with me.  He was already battling his brain cancer so I made the quick trip by myself.  It was great to see my cross country friend Linda and our coach Joe Lange.  But I still felt a bit out of place, a little like high school.  Came home and received the DVD in the mail of pictures from the reunion. Lots of pictures from the big event.  I was not in one of them.  Jeff was sitting next to me as we looked at them.  I felt so embarrassed.  He actually asked if I really had gone to the reunion.  Right then I announced that I will never go to another high school reunion. EVER.  I never want to feel that again.  

And here we are.  2014.  It's our 30 year this year.  Guess who is planning the reunion?  That's right, me.  I'm still not quite sure how this has happened when I specifically vowed to never go to another reunion.  What the heck?  I better be in at least one picture.  What I do know is Facebook has entered all our lives and I feel such a connection that wasn't there before.  I have even gotten together with WHS Alumni when I was in Phoenix since starting our FB class page and that would have never happened without Facebook.

I am grateful for a bond I believe many have formed because of Facebook.  We have lost a couple a dear classmates/friends and for many of us who are out of town that was our only way we were able to stay in touch with these friends.  

 Life is precious and fleeting and short.  We really don't know how much time we have.  It will be 7 years in April that my sweet husband passed away, he was way too young.  And his high school class (1983) just in the past 2 months have lost 4 class members unexpectedly.  I really want to encourage all of you 1984 Rams to make an effort to attend the 30 year class reunion.  If I am attending and I said I would never go to another one, certainly you can try to be there.  I would love to sit and visit and chat and laugh and catch-up with whomever shows up.  

Will you show up?  I hope so.  

Miracles

Dust has been collecting on my blog site.  I'm a person who operates on a deeper-level.  Life has to have meaning or what's the point.  For me, meaning equals Jesus.  He and I haven't been talking much lately.  Don't gasp.  Just being real.  I have been far from Him for awhile.  There wasn't a big blow-up or break-up. I didn't just get mad and walk away.  A slow numbing is the description I would give my heart toward His.  And yes it all begin when my dear Jeff died.  I know what's happening, it's self-protection.  I'm afraid to give Him all of me, my whole heart because what will He take next?  or Whom?  Joseph, Ben or Olivia?  If you knew my testimony, my whole life story, then you would know God and I already struggle with this He-Takes-Something-Away-But-Wants-Wants-My-Whole-Heart-In-Return.  I think this last loss was my last straw with Jesus.

The thing about Jesus is He does want all of us.  I just haven't been able to give Him me back yet.  But I know deep in my core I can't do this life without Him.  The day before Thanksgiving I left my house to go shopping.  Driving down the road I felt prompted to talk to God.  I was getting ready to take a trip with Ben and I wanted it to be meaningful.  I don't even remember what I said exactly but I uttered some words.  I did say, "I don't even know if you're even listening to me.  It's been so long.  Are you there?"  It was very emotional for me, I was crying as I drove.  I went to the bank and then headed to the mall.

I was given a $25 gift card to JC Penney by a friend for my birthday and I was going to spend it on my kids and decided to buy myself a lipstick in Sephora.  A gal talks me into buying an entire kit with a lipstick and other items and offers to do a makeover on me.  I really don't have time but she is persuasive so I agree.

As she applies the make-up she asks me what I do, general questions.  I tell her, I am a widow with 3 kids. After she asks how my husband dies, everything changes.  I never tell her I am a Christian.  She from this point on begins talking about the Lord.  Speaking to me with such directness, it was as if God himself was telling her what to say.  Of course she never knew I had just uttered anything to Him in my car.

After hearing that my husband had died, she exclaimed, "Isn't wonderful that you will see him again in heaven?"  Yes, I reply.  In fact, she would not shut up about God.  There was no question that God was saying, "Reneene, yes I hear you.  I am listening to every word you say."   She shared about a woman who went to heaven for a moment and then came back to life and said she could see her loved ones.  She assured me my husband is watching over me and the kids.

She shared about a young teenager in Wichita who had died and the mother was struggling with her death until she had found the girl's journal.  In it the girl had predicated when she was 6 or 7 that she was going to die young.  But that God was going to use her death to save many lives.  And at her funeral many kids came to know the Lord.  The woman said to me God has a purpose for your husband's death.  Reminding me this was not for nothing.

At this point, she is ringing up my purchase and I realize that God has sent this person to me.  That within one hour of my utterance to Him, He has answered in a miraculous way.  With a make- up artist at Sephora.  And I start crying right there at the counter.  Completely ruing my make-over.  She is still talking and writing down websites for me to check-out.  And I am overwhelmed at this moment how much God still loves me.

I tell her in my blubbering voice that I've been far from God lately and that I really needed to hear those words, so thank you, I tell her. She comes around and give me a hug and I leave. She had no idea what happened in my car.  She might not even no why she was saying what she said but she was being obedient on that Wednesday afternoon to a complete stranger.

I have only shared this with a couple people since this happened but it I believe God wants me to share it with you.  It doesn't matter how long it's been since you've talked with Him, what you've done or haven't.  He loves you no matter what.  Look how fast He answered when I finally reached out to Him.  This is a slow road back for me and I know He is okay with that.  I am seeing a counselor as I work through issues.

Know that He loves you, He's right there waiting for you so say His name and He's so patient.  I still believe in miracles.  I just witnessed one.

Sweet Angels

Where do I begin?  I've been teary eyed the past few days.  You might remember a few weeks backs Joseph and Olivia went to the annual Hospice Care of Kansas camp for kids who have lost a loved one.  It was there Olivia met a new friend named E (I will not use their real names).  She and her sister M were there at the camp because they had just lost their dad in March.

On Tuesday morning E called Olivia and asked if she could come over and play.  There is a language barrier as the mother only speaks Spanish.  And I have never met the family because my in-laws picked my kids up from the camp (Ben and I were at a baseball tournament).  E's brother gave me directions, headed there, got lost, shockingly (I know you're shocked, another story for another time) and finally found the pink home they live in. When I got there, no mother but found a house of children.  Found out that E is one of 6 children.  This poor women lost her husband and is now left with 6 children.  My stomach dropped.

I meet 5 of the 6 kids.  The mother is at the bank with one of the girls.  I am not leaving my child there until I meet the mom.  Then Olivia hollers for me to come down to the basement.  I hobble down because I have a boot on my foot.  As I walk through the kitchen I am keenly aware of poverty and I am overtaken with sadness.  Going down the stairs I realize the smell has got to be some sort of mold or something that no one should be smelling.  And then I see two twin beds down there and E and M say this is our room.  I look down on one of the beds and there is a little baby boy maybe 1 or so sleeping in the of the beds.  Oh my goodness.

Back up stairs I have fallen in love with the little 4 year old boy J.  He has attached himself to me.  You can tell he is starving for attention.  His shirt is covered with all sorts of stuff, maybe food, dirt.  Who knows but he has the best smile.  He looks at all the pictures in my phone, wants to know who everyone is.  And then wants me to take a picture a him.  After the 15 year old boy let me in and introduced himself, I have never seen him again.  There was sadness in his eyes.  I can only imagine what he must be feeling having just lost his dad 3 months back.

The mom and sister L come home.  L is only 13 years old but she must translate what I say.  She's more mature than any 13 year old I've ever met.  Maybe because of losing her dad or as I've come to find out, she is the one taking care of all these kids.  Grief is messy and different for everyone.  The mom has kind eyes.  She tells me her husband died of Alzheimer's Disease, he was older.  She tells me the kids are ages 1-15 and yes there are 6 of them.  Again, my plate is not as full.  I have much to be grateful for.

I leave and come back in a few hours.  And then it all changes.  Olivia wants the two girls to come back for a sleepover,  Please? they ask.  Ok, I say.  The mom says yes.  But that sweet little boy J wants to get in my van too.  Even the little baby.  On the porch I turn and there sits the oldest boy sitting in a chair, staring off into the distance.  This whole family seems so sad to me.  I want to take them all home, I want to fix it all.  But I can't.  So we take two of them home with us.

And they have been here ever since Tuesday.  They don't want to go home.  They call me mom. They have spent the 2 days talking about their dad constantly, telling me all about him.  Drawing pictures, recording songs and dedicating them to him.  We passed the cemetery his ashes are at and they got so excited.  I just don't think they talk about this at home so openly.  I have to take them back today because they aren't my children but my heart is aching already.  You know I got all that food from extreme couponing the other day and I didn't know why.  Well, it was to bring it to this family and they were so grateful.

There are things these two girls have shared with me that have hurt my heart for them.  I truly believe the love of their life, the one who showed them love just died in March.   This breaks my heart.  Olivia wants to go buy them toys and everything she can imagine.  I want to gather up every strong man and fix their house.  I want to get mentors for these children.  But I can't.  Please pray for these children.

They love Joseph, they met him at the camp also.  He's so great with kids.  I don't mean to dump all this on you but I have been reduced to tears these past few days.  It is not my place to judge only God.  The hardest part in all this and for the girls, is the mom already has a boyfriend.  She is with him a lot, this is why the 13 year old takes care of the kids.  You all know me, this is unfathomable to me.  But everyone grieves differently.  This is a specific part of my prayer request, for the mom to be more present.

It's been a heavy week, no air, hobbling on a bum foot, these two precious angels that I have to take home.  And don't forget that God showed up yesterday.  Life is packed with so much we cannot live without Him.  How could we do it without Jesus?

10 years

No matter where I am.  Who I'm with.  What I'm doing.  It always comes back to this moment.  This day.  The day that changed the course of our lives.  April First 2003.  And this day marks the Tenth Anniversary.  Still trying to wrap my brain (no pun intended) around that it's been 10 years!  Last night was difficult, emotional.  I always pray with the kids before bed, the boys share a room so I pray with them together and then Olivia by herself.  Ten years ago would have made the boys 3 and 5 years old.  They did not remember the events of that day.  They hadn't really asked about them before but I went ahead and shared.  Lots of questions, I tried to add in the humorous parts.  After a short time I could tell one of them was falling apart emotionally.  I ended up having to really console him for a good part of an hour.  He slept with me last night and had questions to which I still have no answers.  Like, "Why did daddy have to die?"  You know, the basic life questions.  I'm still stumped on that myself.

But I do know for sure, since that day God is control and I am not.  He is my only Hope.  Even if this doesn't make sense.  I can't explain it. I just know it.  Have I had some doubts?  Yeah.  Have I screwed up?  Ask my Hoopla Sisters.  Have I messed up parenting my kids?  Who hasn't?  But for 10 years, 120 months, 520 weeks, 3650 days and 87,600 hours I have showed up/got up/pressed on/picked myself up off the floor/let others hold me up/moved forward even if it was by the skin of my teeth.  It hasn't always been pretty.  Grief is messy.  My children will continue to "fall to pieces" even when they are adults I imagine.  This whole thing stinks for them.  As I held my child last night, my crying child, I said to him, "I'm sorry.  I imagined a completely different story for you life.  I can't fix this or change this.  But I believe God does have purpose for this, I just don't know what it is right now."  To me their just babies, when they cry in your arms, their babies.  For this to happen on Easter made me think of how God must have been crying as Jesus, His only Son, hanging on that cross in such pain.  For hours He hung, dying and He had to watch Him die.


Below is a journal entry from if you can believe, March 31, 2007.  What are the chances?  It was an emotional time with my boys then and fast forward 6 years later, last night.  Still having to hold children as they cry in my arms.

March 31, 2007

Warning: This could make you cry.  Friday night Jeff went to dinner with his friend Robert.  My boys were pressing me all week to go to the store to buy some Playstation game.  They have money burning a hole in their pocket, you know what I mean.  My mom is here so she could stay with Olivia.  I don’t really want to go because it’s pouring rain, really soaking wet rain outside.  I haven’t spent much one-on-one time with them so I concede.  Our minivan has the back bench seat folded down in the Stow-N-Go because we had Jeff’s wheelchair back there. There’s a big, empty space in our van.  As we drive in the pouring rain, a Switchfoot song comes on the radio.  It’s “This is Your Life” – Ben recognizes this song as the theme song used for Jeff’s 40^th Birthday Party in 2005.  All the kids know the song.  Ben starts crying while it’s on, saying “this song reminds me of daddy, and I’m sad.”  Joseph tells me about our friends on the next block whose neighbor has a brain tumor and says the doctor burned his out of his head.  And why can’t we just burn Daddy’s out?  I realize he’s talking about radiation and tell them he already did radiation and can’t have any more.  Joseph begins crying.  Both boys are crying in the back seat, it’s pouring rain outside and I have to keep driving.  We get to Walmart and find a spot to park.  I must enter into this moment with my sons who are grieving.  They need to feel it.  I climbed to the very back of the van and lay on my back and beckon them to come to me.  The three of us lay on our backs, I am holding them in my arms and we just cry.  We cry because this is just so sad.  They have to see me feeling and grieving.  I am moved by Joseph who begins to wail and sob.  He cannot stop, he really understands the seriousness.  We finally decide to go inside Walmart and just like that, they move onto shopping.  Kids are resilient like that.  They stay in the moment.  They are now in the next moment.  I love that about kids.  Wish I could do that.  We worry and obsess and have anxiety.  I tell about my moment with my sons because people have been asking how the kids are doing.  I was so moved by the whole thing as I didn’t even want to go in the first place.  I was would have missed the moment with them if I didn’t take the opportunity while it was in front of me.  Don’t miss your moments.

                                    

                                                             

Overcome

WOW!  First timer. I've never added a picture or video to my blog, not savvy enough.  Hope this works when you click on the Jeremy Camp song above.   The words to this song speaks of Jesus and all His attributes.  Powerful, awesome, worthy to be praised and honored, great.  Those alone make Him seem too big to reach.  There are words in this song I love, listen to them.  "We will overcome, by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony, everyone overcome."  If you are not a follower of Jesus, He came for you as He came for me.

Easter is about Him, giving His life for us.  His actual life.  He was human and walked the earth and when it was time he chose to give His life for us.  He died on a cross for my sins, your sins.  So one day we would spend eternity together.  Our world is pretty messed up, just look around you.  So much arguing and bickering and fighting.  It's really difficult to distinguish who's a follower of Jesus and who isn't.  The world should know you are His by your love.  Jesus was about love.  Forgiveness.  Second chances, third, fourth and 70/7.

Do people even know my testimony?  Mostly on FB I share frustrations, shocking news stories, get riled up about something.  Do people know what I'm for, or only what I'm against?

Jesus has saved my life on a number of occasions, rescued me from the pit.  Even if I chose to put myself in that pit.  Because He loves me so much.  I have looked back over a very difficult childhood at times and questioned, "Where was God?  How could He have allowed this and that to happen?"  And clear as could be, I received an answer from Him, "I was holding you."  He never put me down.  Even when I've been angry and questioned, what God could be thinking?.....He has never left my side.  He is faithful, He is compassionate, He is good.  Even when I barely see Him.  Even when I don't understand.

God allowed His own son to be crucified for me.  I cannot imagine placing my child in that situation.  I believe it was the ultimate sacrifice.  When I was a child, even though my home life was not ideal.  My parents took us to church and that is where I was introduced to Jesus.  I found refuge in the hope that "I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

I accepted Jesus into my heart at age 6 in Sunday School class at Bethany Bible Church in Phoenix, Arizona.  Mrs. Cheatam prayed with me.  I will never forget just before Jeff passed away, I received a card in the mail from her telling me she was praying for me.  A friend had shared our story with her.  Full circle.  My walk with Jesus began with her.

My testimony is not a smooth sailing ride.  It never has been one.  I loved youth group.  We had the best times.  Summer YG camp was my favorite.  Always one night we'd have a campfire and share our hearts.  Testimonies of how God came into our lives.  I used to wish my testimony was normal.  Found Jesus at early age, great childhood, happy, Me and Jesus are thick as thieves, blah, blah, blah.  Then I realized, my testimony is not mine.  God is writing my story, it's His story.  It's my job to share it with others.  If every one's life was together and so wonderful, why would they need Jesus?

What I know for sure!  Jesus came for the misfits, tax collectors, prostitutes, poor, needy, etc....He came for me.   Call me anytime and I would love to share my story with you over coffee.   What's your story?  Have a blessed Easter.