I wish I could tell you this story is about a "friend." You might even be wondering how it's possible I'm a parent to three children. But I am. Remember I was just coming off a week long migraine and an ER visit, lots of drugs. And yet I'm still not sure this helps but oh well. Here we go. I know you need a Monday laugh.
It was Saturday morning and our home phone started ringing. Caller ID showed "Global Tel Link" and my kids know not to answer it. We all assume it's a sales call. But they keep calling over and over and over. Very irritating. We leave for a bit to run errands. Few hours later back at the house the calls start up again, no message is ever left. I've had enough, I decide to answer and tell them to stop calling.
For the record this was the 10th call from this number. I answer to a recording from the Sedgwick County Jail informing me it's a collect call from an inmate. If I want to except the charges press 9. Two of my kids are in the kitchen with me as I push 9. I still have no idea why. Next thing I'm talking to "John Smith" (not his real name). And yes, I agreed to pay $4.50 for this phone call to a complete stranger. Below will show our conversation:
Me: "You have the wrong number, who are you trying to reach?"
JS: "My family but their phone numbers won't accept collect calls"
Me: "How did you get my number?" he never answers this question
Me: "What do you want me to do?"
JS: "Can you please call my family members? I need them to put money on my account because I'm starving to death down here. I'm 6'2'' and weigh 155lbs., I go to bed hungry every night. And will you tell them I'm being charged with Aggravated Robbery but I'm innocent (I'm totally freaking out at this point). My friend I was with did it but I didn't."
He proceeds to give me numbers to his mom, dad and brother. Tells me he's going to call me back the next day. Promises he'll pay me back when he gets out. Ask me my name. But even then I couldn't lie and I tell him it's Reneene. What is wrong with me? Ben is about to have a coronary in my kitchen. We hang up.
I call all the numbers. Only his brother answers. He informs me that his brother is getting fed 4 meals a day, he wants money for pop and candy. He says his brother is not innocent and furthermore a drug addict who is exactly where he needs to be. Wonderful. I, who recently have become addicted to watching "Criminal Minds" and actually have some pain medication in my home for migraines, is picturing this man getting out of prison and well, you fill in the blank.
Shortly after, Jeff's cousin Dave walks in to hang out with my boys. I tell him everything. He just got a job with the prison. "Why didn't you call me?" he asks. Well, I'm still trying to figure out why I pressed the number 9. He starts trying to find the number to the jail to get my phone number taken off this inmates call list. Oh yes, let's do that. Good idea!
We also pulled up the Sedgwick County Jail website and do an inmate search. Oh my, he had about 8 arrest charges against him on 7/15. Aggravated robbery, drug possession, resisting arrest, obstruction, etc. My new best friend is a bad boy, great!
And then I remember we know someone who works for the Sheriff's Dept. and we call her. She calls "John Smith" at the jail and asks him how he got my number. First he tells her he dialed it randomly (10 times, really) and then he tells her he went to church with me (not true). She makes sure my number is taken off and tells him to stop calling me.
My dear friend Linda laughs and laughs as I tell her my story. And then she says, "And you aren't even an elderly person." I guess it could be worse, I could've felt really bad for him and put money on his account. He does have a hearing on Tuesday. Maybe I should go, for support. Since we went to church together and all. How do I get myself into these things?
I will say my children are rather spooked. Thank goodness I have a dog who normally I'd rather do without because she's like Marley from Marley and Me. Accepting applications for bodyguards. Especially if you resemble Shemar Moore! Call me.
