Robertson vs. Robertson

I am torn.  There are about 10 things I need to be doing today after my 4 1/2 power nap yesterday but I woke to Pat Robertson all over the news.  Inner turmoil and words crammed into my brain have won out.  In case you haven't heard the disturbing news, brace yourself. Mr. Robertson announced on his "700 Club" television show (lovely): Divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer's is justifiable.  He said, he believes the disease is "a kind of death."  Isn't that nice of him?

I am just flat out mad.  He told a male viewer whose friend had started seeing another woman after his wife was diagnosed, and I quote "I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her."

That somebody should be her husband.  He agreed to the deal the day he said "I Do."  I realize in our society people get divorced for just about any old reason.  I believe the term "irreconcilable differences" is the catch-all but this is a supposed Christian leader.

Robertson McQuilkin was married 40 years to his wonderful bride Muriel when she began having symptoms of Alzheimer's.  He was president of Columbia Bible College at the time and had been for 22 years when he resigned in 1990 to care for her full-time.
These are the words he spoke to the board at the college:

…recently it has become apparent that Muriel is contented most of the time she is with me and almost none of the time I am away from her. It is not just "discontent." She is filled with fear—even terror—that she has lost me and always goes in search of me when I leave home. So it is clear to me that she needs me now, full-time… The decision was made, in a way, 42 years ago when I promised to care for Muriel "in sickness and in health…till death do us part." So, as I told the students and faculty, as a man of my word, integrity has something to do with it. But so does fairness. She has cared for me fully and sacrificially all these years; if I cared for her for the next 40 years I would not be out of her debt. Duty, however, can be grim and stoic. But there is more: I love Muriel. She is a delight to me—her childlike dependence and confidence in me, her warm love, occasional flashes of that wit I used to relish so, her happy spirit and tough resilience in the face of her continual distressing frustration. I don't have to care for her. I get to! It is a high honor to care for so wonderful a person.

Have you ever heard anything so beautiful?  You should get his book.  It's called "A Promise Kept," someone gave it to me after Jeff's brain tumor was removed because the husband who came home was very different than the one I married.  Those of you who were around, remember what a challenging time it was.  Funny thing is Jeff really liked the new him.  I had to grapple with, what if he never goes back to how he was?  But I made a vow before God and a lot of people.  Interestingly, it wasn't until I fully gave it to Jesus and said, "Ok, if this my new husband, I'm okay with it."  The moment I accepted him fully and he felt it, he began to change more into the person he was. 

Through the four years of Jeff's cancer fight he would at times apologize to me, for putting me through this.  As if he had any control or choice.  But I don't hold Pat's view.  I always counted myself the luckiest girl in the world.  Even now.  I would rather walk through brain cancer with Jeff than be married to any other man I'd tell him.  And I meant it.  Did you know him?  You know what I mean then.  Not once in those 4 years did he complain or ask God "Why me? 

Not me of course, I was not happy about it one bit.  But every night he would kneel by the side of the bed to pray.  Even at the very end when he couldn't remember to get back up and I would wake-up and he was still there by the side of the bed.  Truly amazing man.  These are the stories I get to share with my children. 

Now 4 years is a long time.  I guess some people might have "hit the road."  To me, it wasn't long enough.  There is such beauty in pain and you can miss it if you check-out or move on.  Sometimes life is hard, God never promises us happiness but He won't ever leave us.  If you are going through something difficult, gut-wretching, painful, bigger than you can handle please know it's not for nothing.  God can and will use it all if we let Him in.  Let Him carry you but I promise you, He doesn't want you to walk away just because you might not be happy anymore.  Happiness is so overrated.

So, there you are. Two very differing views from men with the name "Robertson."
Pat Robertson or Robertson McQuilkin, which one would you rather be married to?
An oncologist quoted in the book, "A Promise Kept" said, "Almost all women stand by their men, very few men stand by their women."  In regards to illness.  Interesting quote.  A side note, Jeff wasn't very compassionate in regards to my migraines until he began having headaches for 3 weeks before finding the brain tumor.  After that, he was much more sympathetic to mine.  I was secretly thankful.