Parenting, hands down is the hardest, most challenging part of my life. Even more than losing my spouse to cancer. You know the saying, "I was the best parent before I had kids." It's a daunting and enormous gift we have been given, our children. Not for the faint of heart, no turning back, not a part time gig. It's a 24/7, 365 days a year, 18+ years for each kid, kind of commitment. Nobody gives this much of themselves to a career/job, some barely to a spouse. Parenting is serious business.
A few years back in my small group from church, we were going through Beth Moore's "Breaking Free" bible study. I will never forget a story she shared, it's from comedian Gilda Radner's book "It's Always Something:"
When I was little, my nurse Dibby's cousin had a dog, just a mutt, and the dog was pregnant. I don't know how long dogs are pregnant, but she was due to have her puppies in about a week. She was out in the yard one day and got in the way of the lawn mower and her two hind legs got cut off. They rushed her to the vet and he said, "I can sew her up, or you can put her to sleep if you want, but the puppies are okay. She'll be able to deliver the puppies."
Dibby's cousin said, "Keep her alive."
So the vet sewed up her backside, and over the next week the dog learned walk. She didn't spend any time worrying, she just learned to walk by taking two steps in the front and flipping up her backside, and then taking two steps and flipping up her backside again. She gave birth to six little puppies, all in perfect health. She nursed them and then weaned them. And when they learned to walk, they all walked like her.
This story comes to my mind over the years. It says so much about being a parent. I have an incredible capacity to teach my children, they are watching me, mimicking me. What am I doing? I can want them to have certain qualities in their life but if I don't have them in mine, we'll you can guess it.
I am realizing each day the not so desirable behaviors I am seeing in my children have been regularly modeled by me. Ouch. This is hard to admit and write on my blog but I cannot expect my children to have self-control, patience, gentleness, kindness, be slow to anger when I have just blown my cool and yelled at them. See the hypocrisy?
The truth is, if you don't like being around your kids because they are rude, disrespectful, disobedient, little bullies (and I am talking to myself here too) it's your fault, us the parents. They have become what we have allowed. Maybe you're doing it alone and you're tired. Maybe you've checked out and this is what they have become. Maybe their dad died and you have over-indulged or overcompensated. It may be hard to hear but re-read the above story again. Unfortunately, our society today caters to kids. They are "the center of the universe."
There are days I look at the mountain in front of me and think it's just TOO BIG. I can't fix all the mistakes I've made and we do make them. But the Jesus I have known in the past, the one who has never left my side, is big enough to move mountains. HE loves children. And since He left me down here with these three blessings, I guess He thought I could do it.
We are raising children but really we are raising adults. It's a lifelong commitment and there are days it takes more than we have. Days we wonder if this is going to turn out or if we will be visiting a prison in 20 years (do you have these days?). And days when your children surprise you with their acts of kindness toward their siblings or unselfishness.
If you are reading this blog entry and don't have children, don't feel left out. Look around. There are so many kids needing a mentor or maybe there's a family member or friend who needs a break every week. Help someone out who has kids. It's an enormous undertaking, you could be a source of relief for a single parent or family. And your life would be so enriched too. Kids are amazing, truly they are. You will not regret pouring into a child's life.
My deepest fear is that I'm going to mess this up. And since I believe it's the most important thing God has placed in my hands, I ask you to pray for me. Pray as I parent my children alone. Pray I will regularly seek Jesus. And as I do, He will again begin to change my heart to look more like Him. Pray the example my children see will only be Him and not me. So much to ask for but my task is big. As is yours, I too will pray for you.
