Memories

Your town is probably like my town.  A favorite store, restaurant or hang out has closed in the past few years due to our declining economy.  Some were big chain stores,some were locally owned.  We have memories tied up in places.  Or at least I do.  I have so many great memories from college in Phoenix, at Grand Canyon University.  I made great friendships, even though I was a bit older than my friends, I completely dove into college life and living on campus.

My closest girlfriends were Kristen (Woods) Spiker and Marta (Oti) Sears.  Back in the day, there was a "one-movie only" theater called the Cine Capri at the corner of 24th St. and Camelback Rd.  It had been there a long time, very grand inside, the curtain would open and close.  Us three college girls would dress up on a Saturday, go see a movie there and then go out to eat.  I can remember we saw, "Circle of Friends" and "The Joy Luck Club" and "The Age of Innocence." 

I remember Marta and I bawling through "The Joy Luck Club," it dealt with mother/daughter relationships and abandonment issues.  And Kristen having her moment during "The Age of Innocence."  These times are still fresh in my mind.  The very last movie I ever saw there was "Braveheart."

Jeff and I were dating and working with the singles at our church. He had already seen it and really wanted me to see it also.  So one of the guys from our group, Matt Morales and I went to see it at the Cine Capri.  I will never forget it.  That movie was so stirring and emotional that when it was over we both walked out and neither one of us could speak.  We walked to our cars and drove off.  It made such an impact.  Those are my memories of this theater. 

It's been closed for some time, for years and years.  So is the memory tied up in a place or in people? Maybe a bit of both.  I saw "Les Miserables" yesterday and truth be told I was prepared to have a full-on cry fest.  Brought two packages of Kleenex.  Nothing emotionally happened for me.  I wanted it to.  I thought it was great but I felt no connection.  This has really been bothering me.

You see the first time I was introduced to "Les Miserables," was on stage by Jeff the day he proposed to me in June 1996.  It was a magical day.  I saw this incredible musical before he popped the question; the story of redemption was so powerful, I cried throughout the show.  And then a couple years ago, Music Theater of Wichita put it on at Century II.  I could not stop bawling, it was a combination of remembering Jeff and the production.  

All that said, memories are one of God's greatest gifts. Imagine if you didn't have them to draw from.  Of course as we get older, there's so many to choose from.  If you have lost a loved one, you cannot have them back but you have the memories of their life with you.  That's pretty priceless.  If you find yourself forgetting things, start writing them down or journaling.  

If you've had a particularly painful, damaging life, I suppose you wouldn't want to think about your memories.  I imagine you might ask God to help you replace those with new ones, it's never to late to move past your past.  I know this firsthand, always a work in progress, I am.

I would love to hear about some of your favorite "location/friend/family" memories.  Please share if you have a moment.  Wishing you all a Happy New Year filled with wonderful memories!

A Mess Worth Saving

It's been awhile, too long.  Are you ready for Christmas?  It's sort of a sad question, I'm sure it is to Jesus.  We shouldn't have to get ready since He did all the work.  But it gets lost in all the "magic" of the season which has nothing to do with Him.  I know because I'm guilty of running around for that last minute gift, wrapping presents, being stressed out, spending too much money, etc.... It's so easy to do.

I've decided share something so deeply personal.  Even as I'm typing there's an internal struggle going on.  As a Christian, I know the enemy is real and he is the struggle part, wants to keep us in darkness.  Jesus is all about light.  He came to us on Christmas day, born in a lowly manger with barn animals.  He was sent to be our Savior.  My savior.  Savior from our sins.  So we could live eternally with Him.  Life is and will be filled with hardships, struggles, pain, loss, suffering, temptations, difficulties for all peoples, believers included.  And if some Christian tells you otherwise they are not being truthful.  Yes, there will be joy, peace and love.  God does promise He will never leave us or forsake us.  But Trouble WILL come.

          "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world
           you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  John 16:33

I have never blogged about my migraines.  I don't know why, they have been such a huge part of my life.  Many of you have been so faithful in praying for me.  Over the past few years they have intensified and have grown to be almost more than I can handle.  But what has also happened is a dependency on pain medication.  Slowly increasing and so have the migraines.  I could see it, a correlation but I was not willing to admit or address or acknowledge this.

Why?  Because just as someone has an addiction to anything (alcohol, smoking, food, drugs, shopping) I couldn't, wouldn't, wasn't able, fear, embarrassed.....you fill in the blank.  Get a migraine, take pain meds., get a migraine, take more pain meds.  It was as though I was in a vicious cycle I couldn't get out of.  For me, God orchestrated events that only He could have, I see it now.  Two days before Thanksgiving I stopped taking pain meds. cold turkey, wouldn't recommend this, it was a rough 5 days.  And here I am.

For the past 20 days, which to you may not seem like a lot, but for me it's bliss.  I haven't feel this fully present in years, years.  And guess what?  My migraines have been almost obsolete.  The few I've had, have been very minimal, manageable.  It is though the pain medication actually made them worse.  There's been a healing, not just of my dependency on pain medication but also of my migraine headaches.  Not completely gone but who knows, God is big enough.  I certainly know I was contributing to my own troubles.

I am not being a Pollyanna.  I cannot have pain medication in my house.  If I do, I will take it.  I cannot be trusted with it.  I am being completely honest here.  I have friends who are keeping me in check and who can ask me at anytime about medication.  Each day for the rest of my days this might be a struggle.  But admitting this out loud was so freeing, the freeing the meds. from my body was torture and I never want to go through it again.  Life is hard and will continue to be hard.  We must only get our strength and help from Him.

There are many friends struggling this very minute.  Maybe not with addiction, maybe you are.  Some are dealing with cancer, loss of a family member (this is their first Christmas without them), sickness, divorce, loss of job or home, family member overseas in military.  Please don't be afraid to be real.  Say the words if you need help.  I am so glad I did, Jesus had been waiting a long time for me.  He never gave up.  Nothing is too big for him to handle.

Is there anything I can pray for you this Christmas?  Just remember, God sent His only son to be born in a manger on Christmas day because He loves you so very much.  I am proof of it and will be so until He takes me home.  And I will share every time He intervenes because I've made a mess.  Messes are His specialty.  Merry Christmas!