A Mess Worth Saving

It's been awhile, too long.  Are you ready for Christmas?  It's sort of a sad question, I'm sure it is to Jesus.  We shouldn't have to get ready since He did all the work.  But it gets lost in all the "magic" of the season which has nothing to do with Him.  I know because I'm guilty of running around for that last minute gift, wrapping presents, being stressed out, spending too much money, etc.... It's so easy to do.

I've decided share something so deeply personal.  Even as I'm typing there's an internal struggle going on.  As a Christian, I know the enemy is real and he is the struggle part, wants to keep us in darkness.  Jesus is all about light.  He came to us on Christmas day, born in a lowly manger with barn animals.  He was sent to be our Savior.  My savior.  Savior from our sins.  So we could live eternally with Him.  Life is and will be filled with hardships, struggles, pain, loss, suffering, temptations, difficulties for all peoples, believers included.  And if some Christian tells you otherwise they are not being truthful.  Yes, there will be joy, peace and love.  God does promise He will never leave us or forsake us.  But Trouble WILL come.

          "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world
           you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  John 16:33

I have never blogged about my migraines.  I don't know why, they have been such a huge part of my life.  Many of you have been so faithful in praying for me.  Over the past few years they have intensified and have grown to be almost more than I can handle.  But what has also happened is a dependency on pain medication.  Slowly increasing and so have the migraines.  I could see it, a correlation but I was not willing to admit or address or acknowledge this.

Why?  Because just as someone has an addiction to anything (alcohol, smoking, food, drugs, shopping) I couldn't, wouldn't, wasn't able, fear, embarrassed.....you fill in the blank.  Get a migraine, take pain meds., get a migraine, take more pain meds.  It was as though I was in a vicious cycle I couldn't get out of.  For me, God orchestrated events that only He could have, I see it now.  Two days before Thanksgiving I stopped taking pain meds. cold turkey, wouldn't recommend this, it was a rough 5 days.  And here I am.

For the past 20 days, which to you may not seem like a lot, but for me it's bliss.  I haven't feel this fully present in years, years.  And guess what?  My migraines have been almost obsolete.  The few I've had, have been very minimal, manageable.  It is though the pain medication actually made them worse.  There's been a healing, not just of my dependency on pain medication but also of my migraine headaches.  Not completely gone but who knows, God is big enough.  I certainly know I was contributing to my own troubles.

I am not being a Pollyanna.  I cannot have pain medication in my house.  If I do, I will take it.  I cannot be trusted with it.  I am being completely honest here.  I have friends who are keeping me in check and who can ask me at anytime about medication.  Each day for the rest of my days this might be a struggle.  But admitting this out loud was so freeing, the freeing the meds. from my body was torture and I never want to go through it again.  Life is hard and will continue to be hard.  We must only get our strength and help from Him.

There are many friends struggling this very minute.  Maybe not with addiction, maybe you are.  Some are dealing with cancer, loss of a family member (this is their first Christmas without them), sickness, divorce, loss of job or home, family member overseas in military.  Please don't be afraid to be real.  Say the words if you need help.  I am so glad I did, Jesus had been waiting a long time for me.  He never gave up.  Nothing is too big for him to handle.

Is there anything I can pray for you this Christmas?  Just remember, God sent His only son to be born in a manger on Christmas day because He loves you so very much.  I am proof of it and will be so until He takes me home.  And I will share every time He intervenes because I've made a mess.  Messes are His specialty.  Merry Christmas!