Miracles

Dust has been collecting on my blog site.  I'm a person who operates on a deeper-level.  Life has to have meaning or what's the point.  For me, meaning equals Jesus.  He and I haven't been talking much lately.  Don't gasp.  Just being real.  I have been far from Him for awhile.  There wasn't a big blow-up or break-up. I didn't just get mad and walk away.  A slow numbing is the description I would give my heart toward His.  And yes it all begin when my dear Jeff died.  I know what's happening, it's self-protection.  I'm afraid to give Him all of me, my whole heart because what will He take next?  or Whom?  Joseph, Ben or Olivia?  If you knew my testimony, my whole life story, then you would know God and I already struggle with this He-Takes-Something-Away-But-Wants-Wants-My-Whole-Heart-In-Return.  I think this last loss was my last straw with Jesus.

The thing about Jesus is He does want all of us.  I just haven't been able to give Him me back yet.  But I know deep in my core I can't do this life without Him.  The day before Thanksgiving I left my house to go shopping.  Driving down the road I felt prompted to talk to God.  I was getting ready to take a trip with Ben and I wanted it to be meaningful.  I don't even remember what I said exactly but I uttered some words.  I did say, "I don't even know if you're even listening to me.  It's been so long.  Are you there?"  It was very emotional for me, I was crying as I drove.  I went to the bank and then headed to the mall.

I was given a $25 gift card to JC Penney by a friend for my birthday and I was going to spend it on my kids and decided to buy myself a lipstick in Sephora.  A gal talks me into buying an entire kit with a lipstick and other items and offers to do a makeover on me.  I really don't have time but she is persuasive so I agree.

As she applies the make-up she asks me what I do, general questions.  I tell her, I am a widow with 3 kids. After she asks how my husband dies, everything changes.  I never tell her I am a Christian.  She from this point on begins talking about the Lord.  Speaking to me with such directness, it was as if God himself was telling her what to say.  Of course she never knew I had just uttered anything to Him in my car.

After hearing that my husband had died, she exclaimed, "Isn't wonderful that you will see him again in heaven?"  Yes, I reply.  In fact, she would not shut up about God.  There was no question that God was saying, "Reneene, yes I hear you.  I am listening to every word you say."   She shared about a woman who went to heaven for a moment and then came back to life and said she could see her loved ones.  She assured me my husband is watching over me and the kids.

She shared about a young teenager in Wichita who had died and the mother was struggling with her death until she had found the girl's journal.  In it the girl had predicated when she was 6 or 7 that she was going to die young.  But that God was going to use her death to save many lives.  And at her funeral many kids came to know the Lord.  The woman said to me God has a purpose for your husband's death.  Reminding me this was not for nothing.

At this point, she is ringing up my purchase and I realize that God has sent this person to me.  That within one hour of my utterance to Him, He has answered in a miraculous way.  With a make- up artist at Sephora.  And I start crying right there at the counter.  Completely ruing my make-over.  She is still talking and writing down websites for me to check-out.  And I am overwhelmed at this moment how much God still loves me.

I tell her in my blubbering voice that I've been far from God lately and that I really needed to hear those words, so thank you, I tell her. She comes around and give me a hug and I leave. She had no idea what happened in my car.  She might not even no why she was saying what she said but she was being obedient on that Wednesday afternoon to a complete stranger.

I have only shared this with a couple people since this happened but it I believe God wants me to share it with you.  It doesn't matter how long it's been since you've talked with Him, what you've done or haven't.  He loves you no matter what.  Look how fast He answered when I finally reached out to Him.  This is a slow road back for me and I know He is okay with that.  I am seeing a counselor as I work through issues.

Know that He loves you, He's right there waiting for you so say His name and He's so patient.  I still believe in miracles.  I just witnessed one.