Ah, the awkwardness of being in 5th grade and having to ballroom dance with a girl. The entire middle school years are really a drag. Anyone else agree? Sadly, I have very damaging memories from those years (late bloomer). Kids were just plain cruel. Why is this? Still true today.
Waiting for the bus with my son discussing the impending "Ballroom Dance Nightmare" for this afternoon, I am sad that things haven't changed much. He is dreading today because the girls get to choose the boys for dancing. And none of the boys want this one particular girl. And he barrels off about 10 reasons. And it makes me sad. For her. For me. Brings back memories. Makes me sad that my son is one of those boys.
We talk about character. And he says, "Mom, no kids talk about character." We just watched the movie "Flipped," (great movie, rent it) and it talks about people being more or less than the sum of their parts. I remind him of this. I ask him if he is more than the sum of his parts? How does this girl feel knowing no one wants to dance with her?
He says his good friend Braden will, he doesn't mind it. That he danced with her last time. I say, "His mother has raised him well." I am trying to get into my son's head because I want him see that God made this girl. She is a Child of God. There is nothing wrong with her.
And then he says it. He says, "Mom, I'm sorry but I just want to be cool." And don't we all? The world is telling us this everyday. We have to be cool, look good, be rich, have fast cars, know the right people, blah, blah, blah..... And it's all a lie. And our kids are believing it and so then this not-so-pretty-on-outside-girl gets shoved aside.
I tell him when we get to heaven and stand before God, He doesn't care if we were cool. He cares if we were kind. Were we kind to one another. Even to the unlovely. I am praying today if this precious little girl chooses my son to dance that he will be kind.
Cool is so changing and superficial and not lasting. The bible says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32
6 comments:
Good thoughts, Reneene. Keep talking about character, even though "no one else" does. Thanks for the reminder, I will too. One bright spot--your son is choosing good friends who are kind to others. Your talks might be making more of an impact than you realize.
Just love this! It is so true. I have 3 girls all in High School and believe me the girls are not so kind either. Have had to have some of the same conversations with them when a boy asks them to a dance. And for my 7th Grade son I am doing the same. Keep us posted how it goes
You made me cry! I didn't know about more ballroom dancing today. I will pray for this girl, "J" (who we all know because of our sons), and I will pray that if she asks John this afternoon, he too will dance with her. Excellent thoughts, Reneene, about the lives that Jesus wants us to live.
Thanks so much for sharing the story. I didn't even know about ballroom dancing. I've always tried to make sure my boys understood that they should try to be kind and treat others the way they would want to be treated. It's never fun to be the one that's left out. It's great to hear that it hasn't all fallen on deaf ears. Although I think the teacher told them they couldn't say no if someone asked them, I would like to believe that Braden would have made the right choice anyway. At least Ben must think he would have. Thanks again for sharing. You made my day.
Well, Ballroom Dance Update is as follows, according to my son:
1. Teacher let them pick whoever they wanted. Ben chose his girl (they have been sweet on each other since 2nd grade and finally in class together).
2. Girl noone wanted, picked Braden. And he danced with her. Yeah for Braden.
3. According to my son, all the boys made a beeline for the bathroom the minute it was over to wash their hands because they had to touch a girl. Ben did not, he just needed to use the restroom.
4. Braden did not. My son was so surprised by this. I am again impressed with this boy.
We are not raising boys, we are raising MEN. I am reminding myself of this regularly. I really want him to know how to be a man who respects a woman at a young age.
Not sure if it is really compassion or just not a big deal to Braden. Funny about the hand washing thing, though. I do think Braden is comfortable with girls as friends. After talking to him, he doesn't seem that phased by this dancing thing. Just one dance--no big deal. But he certainly seems to have no plans to ask anyone himself, so he'll probably end up dancing with this girl again.
I don't think he really worries about it. She might not be his first choice for a girlfriend, but he knows he shouldn't be mean to her. He's never really seemed to judge people that way and I don't think he's worried about his "rep" yet....unless it's on the football field. For right now he's got more important things to worry about than dancing or girls...like the playoffs.
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